


In the Dead of Night

by miss_aligned



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mass Effect 3, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 01:43:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6684253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_aligned/pseuds/miss_aligned
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard thought the coup on the Citadel had gone over relatively smoothly, all things considered. Apparently she was wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Dead of Night

There was a buzzing noise permeating the air that stirred deeply buried feelings of anxiety and fear. Shepard’s gaze shifted left and right, expecting to find herself in the middle of a seeker swarm any moment. Those insectoid terrors that signaled the start of a Collector attack were certainly not among the things she ever wanted to see again, and yet here she was, directly in their path.

She ducked behind a stack of crates and readied her pistol, preparing to take out as many Collectors as she could before she was paralyzed. It was inevitable, she supposed, but she resolved herself to go down fighting, as always.

What she saw when she peered around the crates, however, was a beautiful sight. There were no Collectors or Reapers or any other ridiculous danger she’d uncovered over the years. It was Kaidan. Her Kaidan. With a wave of the arm and a confident smile, he signaled that the coast was clear and that she could come out and join him.

Shepard stowed her pistol and stood straight, walking quickly to wrap her arms around him. They’d already been through so much and she always felt a wave of relief after a firefight to know that he was safe. He returned the gesture, enveloping her in a tight, protective, and enthusiastic embrace that made her heart flutter.

As they parted, however, he didn’t look at her with the same love and appreciation she felt for him. Kaidan looked pained and angry. His brow furrowed and he shook his head as though she’d deeply disappointed and shocked him. There was a familiarity to the look in his eyes that she couldn’t deny. It couldn’t have been her affiliation with Cerberus that upset him so, because they’d already talked at length about it and as far as she understood, they’d both moved past it. She was confused as to why he suddenly looked so heartbroken and why he was turning away from her.

She reached out a hand to stop him from leaving, a lover’s touch meant to show her concern rather than physically halting his movement. The moment her fingers made contact with his arm, however, Kaidan whirled around at an alarming speed and suddenly she was staring down the barrel of a gun. Her eyes widened in shock and her heart fell into the pit of her stomach as she looked past the gun pointed squarely in her face to the man that held it.

He was focused. There was no softness in his gaze, nor turmoil in his expression. He was on the edge of pulling the trigger and she knew it.

“Kaidan,” Shepard managed to croak despite the lump in her throat otherwise paralyzing her speech.

He stared at her with a cold intensity that sent a shiver down her spine. When she looked past him, for help, for an explanation as to why he was acting so irrationally, she saw that the councilors were standing behind him. Shepard suddenly remembered that he was trying to guard and protect them. Unnerving as his concentration and willingness to assess her as a threat was, she was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Kaidan, please,” she said as she lifted her hands in a completely submissive pose, a universal sign of surrender.

He said nothing. His jaw tightened and Shepard knew that it was already too late. She took a deep breath, knowing that everything they’d been through had apparently been for nothing. How interesting that the infamous Commander Shepard would finally be taken down for good by another Alliance soldier. By another human Spectre. By the man she loved. When at last she saw a flash of light and heard the loud bang, she realized that she’d made a bad choice. One of many, she supposed, and that Kaidan didn’t care. He probably never had.  
_____

There was a hand on the side of her face when she awoke, breathing erratically and shaking from head to toe. Tears streamed from her eyes, making it difficult to understand where she was and what was going on. She bolted upright and pulled away, trying to make sense of it all. It took her a moment longer to realize that the frantic wheezing noises were emanating from her.

“Shepard, look at me,” called a familiar voice. “You’re alright. I’m right here.”

She swiped the tears from her eyes before she felt two warm hands on either side of her face attempting to direct her gaze in the dim light. Kaidan held her there for a moment, not looking upon her with callous indifference, but concern. Love.

The terror she felt in looking at him at that moment coupled with shame as she pulled away from his reach and turned. She sat at the edge of the bed and tried to shake herself free of the horrific images she’d just experienced in her sleep. Even bleary-eyed and enveloped in darkness, he seemed to notice that something was wrong beyond the usual bad dream.

“Hey,” he whispered as he slowly crept up behind her and rested a hand on her back. She was sure he could feel her still trembling. “Are you alright? Do you want to talk about it?”

That was probably the very last thing Shepard wanted at the moment, if she were being entirely honest, but she was so traumatized that there was probably no getting around it. Running shaky fingers through her hair, she concentrated on settling her nerves and slowing her breathing. Kaidan gently rubbed her back in silence as she gathered herself.

“J…just a… bad dream,” she stammered at last.

“Yeah, I can tell. You were yelling for me. Or at me. I’m not really sure. Was I doing something stupid?” he said as he dared to move a little closer, taking a seat beside her.

She wanted to laugh, but containing the sorrow holed up deeply in the pit of her stomach was claiming a bit too much of her concentration. Shepard sighed heavily. “It was just a thrilling mix of Horizon and the Citadel when you were protecting the councilors. It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Kaidan remained silent for a long moment, keeping his eyes locked on her as he pondered the scenario. Even out of the corner of her eye, she noticed his head drop as he seemed to piece things together on his own.

“I had you at gunpoint, didn’t I?”

Tears stung at her eyes again as he said the words, just when she thought she had herself back under control. The poorly-contained sniffles he received in response to the inquiry appeared to affirm his assumptions. Kaidan slowly reached for her hand, holding it in both of his own.

They sat in silence for what felt like an eternity as Shepard tried desperately to wash it all from her mind and concentrate on her reality. He hadn’t pulled the trigger. To her knowledge, she’d still only died once. More importantly, she was fairly sure that he still loved her. Still, wiping that cruel indifference from her mind’s eye was going to be difficult.

He slowly lifted her hand and gently kissed it, sending chills… the good kind of chills this time… across her skin. “There’s no way I would have fired. I hope you know that.”

Shepard slowly nodded her head in the darkness. “I wouldn’t have, either.”

“I definitely think we should avoid putting ourselves in that situation again, though,” he rather adamantly suggested.

The softest of chuckles escaped Shepard’s lips. Though she’d been deeply bothered by them having to draw weapons on one another, she’d tried to ignore it. Move past it. Bury it. Clearly, that had backfired in a spectacular way.

“Come on, you still need to get some rest. There’s a lot more work to be done and you’re going to be useless to me if you’re sleep-deprived,” Kaidan said as he gently urged her back to bed.

Reluctantly, she acquiesced. Normally, he would have curled up beside her and held her close as she drifted off to sleep, but he seemed to understand at an alarmingly accurate level that she needed just a little distance this time around. He still had a hold of her hand, however, and didn’t seem terribly willing to let go. She was okay with that, though. It was another affirmation that he cared.

They rested in silence for a long while before he whispered to her again. “I’m sorry I pulled the trigger.”

“How did you know?” Shepard was shocked and ashamed that he’d figured it out so easily. She had no intention of ever telling him the gory details. It was her own mind playing tricks on her, after all.

“The way you said my name. I pray I never hear you call my name like that again.” He planted another kiss on her hand before settling into his pillow and falling silent again.

Shepard closed her eyes and forced herself to push aside the trauma of her dream. She focused instead on the things that brought her joy. Her friends. A quiet night, spent in good company with good drinks. Kaidan. She drifted off to peaceful sleep listening to Kaidan’s slow, steady breathing and warm hands wrapped lovingly around her own.


End file.
